tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-11-21:/This is the life of Paddy Moore - a dog who was saved from the streets and ended up living with Trish and Phil in glorious West Yorkshire.MokoFeed2009-11-21T06:06:14+01:00tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-10-08:/2009/10/08/men-in-white-coats-7125295/paddy132009-10-08T15:44:01+02:002009-10-08T15:44:01+02:00 <p>Woke up yesterday morning and all seemed well, sun was shining and I thought the signs were good for a long walk in the woods. Then a van pulled up outside the house and two men in white coats got out. I’ve heard about men in white coats and I knew they must have come for T. This was a moment of truth for me, what to do? Defend her or let them take her? Both options had their advantages, long walks in the woods with T if I defended her but if I let her go just think of the peace P and I would have. On balance, the walks in the woods won and I decided to defend her and keep the men from getting into the house.</p> <p>P went out to talk to them and there was a lot of pointing and looking at the house. I think that P was warning them that T might put up a fight or how she might make her escape. P could be mean at times; he must have called them as he seemed to be expecting them. T should be able to count on her family to protect her, not give her up. She hasn’t been that bad lately, nothing to deserve this.</p> <p>T was still in bed and had put the blinds down on the windows; she was obviously hiding from the men. Not much point when P was clearly on their side. The men must have been expecting a fight as they had brought ladders – I know about these as our window cleaner uses them. They put up the ladders against the back of the house and were clearly going to try to get into the bedroom where T was. I rushed upstairs and started barking at the windows, they might not be able to see me but I made sure they could hear me. My barking worked as they stayed up the ladders and kept away from the windows, I think they were scared to come down. I stayed close to T but she didn’t seem particularly grateful, I am not appreciated in this house.</p> <p>The men must have thought it safe to come down after a while as they moved to the front of the house and again put up their ladders. Obviously a new line of attack. If they thought they would catch me unawares they were very much mistaken as I rushed to the front and started to bark again. It did the trick and the men didn’t get in. This went on for the rest of the day; I have to admire them for their persistence and T for staying so calm. She didn’t go out, wise move in the circumstances; instead she chose to paint the kitchen. This might have been to steady her nerves, she does like decorating but how she managed to concentrate at such a stressful time I don’t know. P was hanging about and offering to help T which is unheard of, perhaps he felt guilty about the men.</p> <p>Finally, the men gave up and went away, T was safe and I could relax. P saw them off and appeared to give them money (I've seen pay the window cleaner), concrete proof in my mind that he had called them. He stood for a while and looked at the house and then T went out to join him, she also looked at the house. When they came in T said to me “You can relax now the painters have gone”. </p> <p>Painters? Why didn’t they tell me?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/10/08/men-in-white-coats-7125295/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-10-02:/2009/10/02/home-and-away-7084531/paddy132009-10-02T13:53:36+02:002009-10-02T13:53:36+02:00 <p>P has gone away, don’t know for how long but he took a large bag. T and I took him somewhere and just left him. T is apt to do this from time to time but P always finds his way back and sometimes we go and get him from the same place we left him. This could be a game that T and P play, doesn’t seem much fun to me, or as I have always supposed its P’s way of getting a break from T.</p> <p>What it means of course is that I am left with T for an unspecified amount of time. This has its ups and downs as I have noted in the past but what it always does is disrupt my routine. P gives me my breakfast and my medication which is good as I trust P to get it right. This morning it was up to T so I watched her closely to make sure she gave me the right amount of food (she is apt to give short measures) and the dosage was correct for my tablet. Thankfully, she did get it right. P rang quite early and I know he was checking that she had remembered my breakfast and tablet – she has forgotten in the past.</p> <p>So fingers crossed that things go well and P decides to come home soon and life will settle back into its normal routine, P feeds me and T takes me for a walk. I have no idea where he has gone and as far as I know he hasn’t taken that ‘ Edible Woman’ book with him. Maybe he has gone to be a contestant on Masterchef, he has been watching it and they do cook a lot of meat, but so far nothing of human origin. There is always a first time.</p> <p>Hope T watches it tonight just in case we see P.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/10/02/home-and-away-7084531/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-09-24:/2009/09/24/you-are-what-you-eat-7032145/paddy132009-09-24T16:42:26+02:002009-09-24T16:42:26+02:00 <p>P likes cooking and spends a fair amount of time in the kitchen, particularly at the weekends. T is not so keen and is happy to let P get on with it. He searches through recipe books to find new things to cook and watches lots of food programmes on TV for hints and tips. </p> <p>This has always seemed an innocent pastime to me, it has kept P occupied and out of T’s way. But since he started reading that book ‘The Edible Woman’ I am not so sure. I have watched him closely but he hasn’t tried to take a bite out of T, which would be difficult as she is not very meaty. In fact he has been his usual self which is as distant as possible from T.</p> <p>Would he really eat T? As I understand it humans don’t eat each other, it is not considered acceptable and indeed dogs don’t tend to eat each other either. Perhaps I have got it very wrong, I do hope so, T has many faults but I would miss her. It’s at times like this when you realise how useful humans are and life would be more difficult without them, yes really, even life with T.</p> <p>But he has been watching Masterchef and was particularly interested in the bit about boning a chicken...</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/09/24/you-are-what-you-eat-7032145/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-09-17:/2009/09/17/reading-matters-6983249/paddy132009-09-17T12:35:58+02:002009-09-17T12:35:58+02:00 <p>I like to read, well, look at the pictures, especially recipe books. T and P read at night, it can be difficult to get to sleep sometimes as they don’t put the light out for ages. I assume they read as they spend a lot of time looking at one page and there are no pictures, boring. Last night P announced that he had finished his book and had nothing else to read. T was still engrossed in her book and didn’t take much notice. P got out of bed and started pacing around looking for a book, T put her book down and looked annoyed and I hid under my blanket. I was surprised that P would dare to upset T, particularly at bedtime when she is tired and can be irritable, but he didn’t seem to care and started to rifle through a pile of books but declared them all unsuitable. </p> <p>At this point I would expect T to tell P to get back in bed and keep quiet, but she leaned out of bed and picked up her favourite read – the Laura Ashley catalogue and offered it to P. He was not interested, so T picked up another of her all time favourites, a biography of Stalin, P hesitated, I could see he didn’t want to upset T as she was trying to be nice but it was clear he didn’t want to read that either. My biggest worry was that T would find the pack leader dog book which I had tried to hide, P had uncovered it when rifling through the books. I don’t want either of them reading that. They seem to have forgotten all about it and have stopped telling me to sit in a commanding tone. I call that a result.</p> <p>Miraculously, P suddenly found a book and got back into bed, it wasn’t the biography of Stalin or thankfully, the pack leader book, I could see them on the floor. Whatever it was peace was restored and I managed to get to sleep.</p> <p>I checked in the morning what it was P was reading, curious about what could take his interest all of a sudden. Obviously, I can’t read and the picture on the cover didn’t help me. So I hung around until T came into the bedroom to tidy up and she saw the book on the floor where I had left it. She picked it up and read out the title and said and this is not a lie “The Edible Woman, fancy P reading that” and calmly put it down on the bedside table. </p> <p>Shouldn’t she be worried? Is this a cookery book? I know P likes his meat, don’t we all, but eating T is going too far.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/09/17/reading-matters-6983249/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-09-08:/2009/09/08/you-say-hello-and-i-say-6920392/paddy132009-09-08T09:06:39+02:002009-09-08T09:06:39+02:00 <p>I don’t understand humans; they say the stupidest things, particularly to dogs. We’re not daft but humans talk to us as though we are, smiling at us and saying things that don’t make sense. I’ve been asked when out in the woods if I’m having a lovely walk, well of course I am, I’m in the woods chasing squirrels and playing ball.</p> <p>Went to see the dermatologist last week and sitting in the waiting room someone came up to me and said ‘Is no one saying hello to you?’ True, no one was, but I didn’t want anyone to say hello, I just wanted to say goodbye, I wanted to leave, forget the dermatologist. T and P seemed to be keen to stay though no matter how much I pulled them towards the door. </p> <p>I go to the vets and the same thing happens, sit quietly in a corner hoping that I’ll be forgotten but someone always spots me and comes to strike up a conversation which invariably features the word “hello”. Not my favourite word on such occasions. Then I get asked if I’m alright, and I want to say ‘Yes I’m fine I don’t need to be here’ but T always jumps in and says ‘No, Paddy’s not very well’. At this point I try to do something to distract her so she doesn’t go into details; my bodily functions should remain private. And, it’s not just me that gets dragged to the vets for no reason, I’ve asked other dogs in the waiting room (don’t mix with the cats as they’re always in cages) and they say there’s nothing wrong with them either. I think humans are hypochondriacs by proxy.</p> <p>The dermatologist did say goodbye to me though, he can’t do anything more as my allergies are so severe. Something I just have to live with. I’m happy, I don’t have to go there anymore and no more fake tattoos. </p> <p>Goodbye does have its positive side.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/09/08/you-say-hello-and-i-say-6920392/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-08-21:/2009/08/21/a-bit-rash-6774027/paddy132009-08-21T15:07:46+02:002009-08-21T15:07:46+02:00 <p>I am wearing socks again. T caught me scratching and immediately inspected my skin and found a rash on my chest. Seem to get a lot of rashes here which is very inconvenient as I can’t wear my collar. This is because T slaps so much ointment on my chest my collar would get very messy. I have to wear a harness instead, which is embarrassing – people think I’m a puppy. Mind you, it could be my boyish good looks! </p> <p>Last night I was forced to wear socks in bed in case I scratched, so far T hasn’t taken me to the park in socks, but it’s only a matter of time. I have become rather skilled at removing the socks no matter how tight she tapes them on, this really annoys her, particularly when I hide the socks as well. Even managed to make holes in the toes so I can scratch while wearing them! Thought this was rather clever and no one would notice but T did, so I am now wearing her thick walking socks. Don’t know why they’re called walking socks as I can’t walk in them very well.</p> <p>T has arranged a visit to the dermatologist as she is worried, so am I, but I don’t think we’re worried about the same thing. T is worried that I have lost hair on my chest because I have scratched; I’m worried because the dermatologist has shaved off more hair than I have ever removed – I could come back bald!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/08/21/a-bit-rash-6774027/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-08-11:/2009/08/11/there-s-no-smoke-without-a-gas-fire-6696886/paddy132009-08-11T09:12:51+02:002009-08-11T09:12:51+02:00 <p>Walked in the woods yesterday morning, played ball and saw some rabbits, no squirrels but not bad nonetheless. So the day looked good to me, until T delivered the bad news, we had to stay in all afternoon to wait for someone.</p> <p>T spent the afternoon in the office, I watched out for the visitor, whoever they may be. The phone rang which T seemed to be expecting so I thought it must be P, he always rings to find out where T is. I don’t think he trusts T on her own much these days, I know he likes time away from her (who wouldn’t), but P also likes to know where she is and what she’s doing. But I don't think it was as his calls always last some time, this was just a short call. Next there is a knock at the door; this can’t be P either unless T has locked him out again (one of the reasons why P likes to keep tabs on her). Anyway, she opens the door to this stranger, well a stranger to me; T welcomed him in and then made a cup of tea!</p> <p>This person for some reason seemed very interested in our gas appliances. It amazed me that T knew anything about them, she doesn’t do much cooking and hasn’t a clue how the heating works. I thought it best to check out the stranger’s bag and keep an eye on him. He seemed harmless enough but you never know. T was hovering trying to look knowledgeable but failing. At one point the stranger asked her for something and she rushed up to the office and started pulling drawers and cupboards open obviously looking for something. I stood guard on the stranger. </p> <p>Eventually, T returned looking pleased and waving a small booklet which she triumphantly placed in the stranger’s hand. This resulted in the stranger going into the living room and shutting the door. There was a smell of smoke, T said he was checking the gas fire, but how could she know? She wasn’t in the room. I kept being told to keep out of the way and the stranger eventually reappeared and left after T signed some papers. Hope she knew what she was signing, she never reads the small print.</p> <p>T was very excited when P arrived home, showing him the leaflet she had found. P clearly did not share T’s excitement and turned on the TV. The living room still smells of smoke and T keeps playing with the fake coals on the gas fire so they look more realistic – she hasn’t succeed.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/08/11/there-s-no-smoke-without-a-gas-fire-6696886/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-07-31:/2009/07/31/too-clean-for-comfort-6625956/paddy132009-07-31T16:03:33+02:002009-07-31T16:03:33+02:00 <p>I wasn’t aware of this but I had blood tests as well as skin tests at the veterinary hospital in May. All I know is I went into a room and woke up some time later with a shaved side and a fake tattoo. The results have only just come through, the skin tests showed I was allergic to grass but the blood tests show that basically I’m allergic to everything. T said it took so long for my results to come back because there were so many allergies to count!</p> <p>T thought I should have a special suit to go out in so I wouldn’t get rashes, P said that was a silly idea and I wouldn’t wear it – he is so right. </p> <p>Weekly baths are now a permanent fixture along with daily brushing and teeth cleaning. I have heard that humans are becoming allergic to lots of things and excessive hygiene is to blame. This I think is the answer in my case; T has a stock of Dettol which she uses liberally. My bedding is changed every week, I’m cleaned after every walk and there is the continual vacuuming, then T complains she has no time to relax!</p> <p>Perhaps I need to get a bit dirtier to combat the allergies, if my coat is covered in mud then pollens and grasses will find it more difficult to get to my skin. Can’t see T going along with this but she is quite easy to fool, make her think you are going to do one thing and then do exactly the opposite, she falls for it every time!</p> <p>Maybe P could learn something from me.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/07/31/too-clean-for-comfort-6625956/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-07-06:/2009/07/06/no-hiding-place-6458782/paddy132009-07-06T13:30:10+02:002009-07-06T13:30:10+02:00 <p>T is a creature of habit and the summer has brought its usual terrors to our garden. Don’t get me wrong, creature of habit she may be but T is not stuck in a rut when it comes to efficiently dispatching the enemy. In the past she used either a knife or scissors to cut her prey in half, this year salt is her weapon of choice. Which poor creatures is she persecuting? Slugs and snails of course!</p> <p>She goes into the garden each evening, carrying a torch, a margarine tub filled with salt, a knife for good measure and a smile on her face. I have to accompany her as my job is to keep walking in front of the garden light to keep it on. She complains if I wander off and the light goes out, why does she have a torch if she needs the light on? Is it essential to see the carnage?</p> <p>I’d like to think she goes out under cover of darkness because she’s ashamed of slaughtering these defenceless creatures, but no, it’s because she can find more of them, particularly if it’s raining. She checks all the plant pots very carefully with the torch, lifting up leaves to make sure nothing is missed. She surprised a frog one evening, but she‘s only interested in slugs and snails, everything else is quite safe. Apart from moths, she doesn’t like them but she’d never kill a spider.</p> <p> I have tried pleading with P to let me back in the house by peering at him through the French windows, but he just waves at me totally oblivious to the slaughter I am witnessing. I'm being kind and assuming he is oblivious rather than just too lazy to get up off the sofa and open the back door. P does spend a lot of time oblivious to T; he’s probably just glad of the peace and quiet for a few minutes.</p> <p>Just have to hope the slugs and snails leave for pastures new, either that or the batteries run out in her torch soon. In the meantime, I’ll just have to find a good place to hide when T goes into the garden.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/07/06/no-hiding-place-6458782/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-06-30:/2009/06/30/emergency-ward-toe-6427748/paddy132009-06-30T21:26:22+02:002009-06-30T21:26:22+02:00 <p>P is not always keen to go for a walk it must be said. Fortunately, T is, so I go out everyday at least twice and have plenty of games in-between. In fact T is a keen advocate of keeping fit and believes that the way to a long life and happiness is plenty of fresh air and exercise, her favourite being walking, which suits me. P does not go along with this philosophy and believes that you must preserve your energy by lying down as much as possible, preferably on the sofa watching sport. T likes watching tennis and loves Wimbledon, but will interrupt her viewing to play with me – unless Andy Murray is playing, then I have no chance. </p> <p>P is aware that T expects him to come with us for a walk at least once a week, not much you might think but for P this is a massive undertaking and cannot always be achieved. Personally, I think he finds any excuse he can to have some time on his own while me and T are out. It does mean that I have to cope with her on my own but I just ignore her most of the time.</p> <p>P’s latest excuse is a damaged toe; he claimed he did it by tripping up the stairs while me and T were out on a walk. Not so sure myself, P likes a drop of whisky now and again and usually comes to bed last and so has to creep about in the dark. I bet he did it the night before and doesn’t want T to know he’d had a few too many. He proudly showed us both the bruised toe and proclaimed it must be broken, I trod on it to test this out and P did jump several feet in the air so maybe he’s right. </p> <p>Rather than limping around the house P has chosen to lie on the sofa and ask T to bring things to him, amazingly she is! T seems genuinely concerned, this is new to me and judging from P’s reaction it’s new to him too. She even told him not to come for a walk with us! Don’t know how long P will be able to spin this one out, once the bruising has gone T will expect him to come walking with us again. But I have to hand it to P, every now and again he outwits T. </p> <p>I shall watch and learn.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/06/30/emergency-ward-toe-6427748/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-06-23:/2009/06/23/a-question-of-style-6370334/paddy132009-06-23T13:01:01+02:002009-06-23T13:01:01+02:00 <p>My tummy is much better now but I’ve a rash on my neck. T is covering me with ointment and making me wear socks so I can’t scratch. I don’t have my own socks but hand-me-downs of P’s so they never fit properly. I have been wearing a pair with Daffy Duck on them, why P wanted to wear them I don’t know (T probably bought them) but he clearly doesn’t want to now and I can’t blame him. I’m not allowed to wear my collar in the house because of my neck rash and have to wait for the ointment to sink in before I am allowed to go out with my collar on. It’s all so complicated.</p> <p>Despite this, I went to a country show at the weekend, had to wear a soft fleece cover on my collar (to protect my neck), as we were there all day, but not socks. I felt a bit over dressed wearing my collar cover but loads of dogs were at the show and most had dressed for the occasion so I was not out of place. T had a stall at the show (she makes pet bedding which I have to product test, life is so hard) so I was with P most of the time looking round. Saw lots of horses jumping over fences (I can do that) and a sheep being sheared – by an Australian! I wanted to tell him I’ve seen a wallaby but we didn’t stay long enough.</p> <p>It was a tiring day and I had to spend some time resting on T’s knee, I’d tried lying on the grass but it was uncomfortable. This did make it difficult for T to serve customers but she managed, she’s quite resourceful at times. I did attract attention so T couldn’t object; I am Paddy Fabulous Willy of West Yorkshire after all!</p> <p>Now you might think that my life is not so bad and I shouldn’t complain, well I would just like to say that this morning T took me to the park to play ball but she forgot to take my socks off. Would you want to be seen in public in Daffy Duck socks?</p> <p>T has now put me in a lilac pair so she can’t fail to notice that I’m wearing them. But there is no way I’m wearing white socks.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/06/23/a-question-of-style-6370334/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-05-31:/2009/05/31/a-close-shave-6208459/paddy132009-05-31T19:20:28+02:002009-05-31T19:20:28+02:00 <p>Sorry I’ve been a bit quiet lately. It will not surprise you to know that I haven’t been well; in fact I have not been well for some time. Seeing a dermatologist to find out why I get rashes and my hair has been falling out. The good news is I am not bald; I do have however, a rather large shaved area on my left side and a spotty pattern on my exposed skin.</p> <p>How could this have happened? A few days ago I was taken in the car to the veterinary hospital for tests T said, tests for what she didn’t say. Wasn’t happy when we got there and thought I would do the terrified dog routine, started to tremble and look pathetic (I am rather good at this) but as usual T was immune and led me into a room and left me there. I don’t remember much after that, but I must have fallen asleep as the next thing I knew I was waking up and was still in the room but no T (you could say that was a positive). She was called in and seemed relieved to see me, which was worrying as she knew where I was, what had happened to me? My left side felt itchy and I was very groggy but nothing hurt, but I couldn’t see what had happened to my side.</p> <p>When we got home, don’t remember much of the journey, slept most of the time, I went to look at my side in the mirror and to my horror saw that I had been shaved and there was this rather strange pattern on my skin, lots of dots in rows. Now I know that my skin is not normally exposed so I don’t actually know what it looks like but I am sure that it doesn’t have a spotty pattern. I began to worry and thought T had taken me for a tattoo, what else could it be? What would P say? He was not around and didn’t reappear until a couple of days later, was he keeping out of the way? Had he gone for a tattoo? Why a spotty pattern? I would have preferred something a bit more impressive; T’s brother has Pegasus tattooed on his back.</p> <p>T must have realised I was shocked and explained that the dermatologist had shaved my side (yes, just like T to blame it on someone else) and carried out allergy tests. This explained the spots, dabs of different substances likely to cause an allergic reaction. I was positive on pollen; basically I am allergic to grass. Shame that as I like to lie on the lawn and I’m not averse to eating a spot of grass now and again. </p> <p>So no tattoo and the spots have faded now, hair is taking it’s time in growing back but it does get me noticed. P didn’t seem concerned when he eventually came home, he doesn’t have a tattoo either, but he does have an earring, I’ve a chip in my ear and that’s quite enough. I also have no idea why I needed to have hair removed to find out why I was losing hair but it's growing back, bet P wishes his would.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/05/31/a-close-shave-6208459/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-05-13:/2009/05/13/where-are-the-munchkins-when-you-need-them-6109530/paddy132009-05-13T17:29:44+02:002009-05-13T17:29:44+02:00 <p>Was put in the tub of doom again this Sunday, it happens every weekend now. I haven’t been well but this doesn’t stop them, although now it’s a shower not a bath, which for some reason they think is better. Been on hunger strike since Saturday in protest, hasn’t made any difference. You’d think they’d take pity on me and leave me alone when I’ve just recovered from a temperature of 103 but no T prepared the torture chamber. I went into the garden for sanctuary but T found me and like the condemned dog I had to walk (very slowly) to the tub of doom and await my fate, which in this case is a shower.</p> <p>The only one I have to turn to is P, which means there is no hope of rescue; T has no heart and P has no courage. Just call me Toto, never Dorothy.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/05/13/where-are-the-munchkins-when-you-need-them-6109530/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-04-24:/2009/04/24/fahrenheit-6001156/paddy132009-04-24T18:14:15+02:002009-04-24T18:14:15+02:00 <p>Don’t understand it but I seem to be doing as T tells me. This shouldn’t be so, she has done very little to deserve my obedience, but I just don’t seem to be able to help myself. She has been practising her ‘calm assertiveness’ techniques, reading her pack leader book and standing with her head in the air. It’s bad enough that she won’t look at me until I’m doing as she commands but it’s even worse when neighbours try to say hello. She says “wait” in her new commanding tone and doesn’t look at them until they’ve sat down on the pavement. It’s gone too far, the book has to go. </p> <p>Where is P? Is he putting up with this? You might well ask. P has taken the usual line of least resistance and spends most of his time lying on the sofa quietly out of T’s way or he says he has “things to do” and disappears somewhere. What things? What does P do? There is very little evidence that he has actually done anything, ever. He should be concentrating on what T is reading and the effect it has on her. She read a book about Stalin recently, that combined with the pack leader book have obviously been a dangerous combination. Why can’t she read Mills and Boon?</p> <p>I have heard that War and Peace is a long read, that or, A Brief History of Time should keep her quiet. Whatever happens the pack leader book has to be disposed of, and very soon. I am rapidly losing my friends as everyone avoids T. Wish I could.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/04/24/fahrenheit-6001156/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-04-16:/2009/04/16/what-do-i-have-to-do-5955539/paddy132009-04-16T17:58:56+02:002009-04-16T17:58:56+02:00 <p>I can’t believe it. T hasn’t nominated me for an OK9 Magazine Award. If you remember I was voted Nosiest Dog of 2007 but this year nothing. I started to get worried a few weeks ago. Last year I got the letter telling me of my success after Christmas but this year I have been watching the post in eager anticipation and nothing has arrived. I confronted T, who, hand on her heart admitted she hadn’t nominated me for a 2008 award, even though she’d promised she would, for Naughtiest Dog. I have worked so hard over the past year, and for what? I deserve an award – any award would do I’m not fussy. After all I am Paddy Fabulous Willy of West Yorkshire! Not only that I bark at everyone who walks past the house; I have a dermatologist; seen a wallaby; can multi task; I’m clean – not particularly proud of this, but it must count for something; and last but not least I saved Christmas!! Santa would have nominated me if he’d known. </p> <p>It won’t surprise you to know that I am very disappointed. All I’ve done should have earned me a special mention, maybe even a Nobel Prize for Services to Christmas, there must be one. T said she just forgot, it’s not good enough. The pair of them continually let me down, I’d leave but as Kylie said better the devil you know. T has been somewhat contrite and said she would contact OK9 Magazine to see if they can do something especially for me. Well, we’ll just have to wait and see, T thinks it’s never too late. I should be so lucky.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/04/16/what-do-i-have-to-do-5955539/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-04-08:/2009/04/08/mind-games-5913010/paddy132009-04-08T21:26:50+02:002009-04-08T21:26:50+02:00 <p>T has been reading a book. She wants to learn how dogs think and become ‘pack leader’. What pack is this? Is there something she’s not telling me? T now struts around the park and I’m supposed to obey her. It is embarrassing, her head held high imagining she is someone important and talking to me in a firm voice. Who does she think she is - Anne Robinson?</p> <p>Every time I try to take her to a particularly interesting spot to have a sniff she stops and we have to stand still for a few minutes, all the time T has her head in the air. What is this supposed to achieve? All it does is hold me up, I have to wait until she starts to move again before I can go to the sniff place, which I always do, of course.</p> <p>I know T has been reading all about dog psychology because she keeps telling me, usually when we are having a walk. It can get a little tedious at times but it stops her from singing so it does have some use. She has told me how I am supposed to react when she does commanding things. So I intend to do the opposite and she will think it doesn’t work and give up, everything can then go back to normal. Normal being I take T for a walk and we go where I want. Apparently, this psychology thing is about thinking you’re in charge and then you will be. Well, P thinks he’s slim but he isn’t.</p> <p>I have noticed that T’s new ‘calm assertiveness’ as she calls it has had an effect - on P. He has become very obedient; he even offered to cut the grass the other day. All T did was mention that it needed cutting and he immediately said he’d do it, unheard of normally. P is not a man of action.</p> <p>According to this psychological approach the dog is supposed to become ‘calm submissive’. I’m calm but never submissive. P however, is a different matter, submissive is his middle name these days, there’s only one thing to say – P, you are the weakest link. Goodbye!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/04/08/mind-games-5913010/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-04-02:/2009/04/02/party-animal-5877977/paddy132009-04-02T14:39:21+02:002009-04-02T14:39:21+02:00 <p>I’ve been to that ‘k’ place again. All it takes is a bit of sunshine for T and P to take off to pastures new. I don’t know where they go but I wish they’d take me with them.</p> <p>They are getting very sly these days, hiding any sign of a trip away. The suitcase doesn’t come out of the cupboard until the last minute so I have no time to jump in and hide or pack a bag of my own. I’ve always thought that T would want to take me with them and what T wants T gets, P has no option. But they don’t, so I must assume that it’s down to her. It’s a problem that needs addressing, but I am not sure how to go about it as I’m whisked off to the kennels before you can say Paddy Fabulous Willy of West Yorkshire. So I can’t cling to her leg as she is going out of the door and I certainly can’t appeal to her better nature as she hasn’t got one.</p> <p>I know they’ve been away as I can tell by the smell of the house when they eventually fetch me home. If they won’t take me with them why can’t they leave me at home to look after the place? I know where my food is and if they left the doors open I could go in and out, no problem. Could even have my friends round for a little party, we wouldn’t make a mess we’re all house trained. Opening the gin might be a problem but I am sure we’d manage, we don’t need ice or lime but tonic would be good. As long as no one asked for cocktails I’d be fine. </p> <p>There are no mini bars in the rooms at the ‘k’ place, don't think alcohol is allowed, so maybe I could try to smuggle in a bottle of gin the next time I go, as I know there will be a next time. It would certainly help to make the time go quickly and I bet the other inmates would appreciate a party. I just need to find mixers and glasses. Do you think swizzle sticks would add that extra touch?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/04/02/party-animal-5877977/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-03-23:/2009/03/23/multi-me-5815458/paddy132009-03-23T18:29:27+01:002009-03-23T18:29:27+01:00 <p>According to T only females can multitask. I would like to dispute this, not that I’m saying T can’t multitask, she can vacuum, tidy up, throw a toy for me and sing at the same time without any difficulty. T says the secret to successful multitasking is planning. This surprises me as she doesn't seem to plan much, particularly were I am concerned. If I didn't constantly remind her I doubt I would ever get a walk. But I digress, I would like it noted that dogs can multitask too, or at least I can. As for male humans I’m not so sure, P has not demonstrated a talent for multitasking, the best he can manage is lying on the sofa and falling asleep at the same time and if he’s really clever he can snore as well. Mind you, when you take into account that he is trying to watch TV whilst doing this I suppose you could say he is multitasking but it isn't planned.</p> <p>Me however, I can carry my ball and wee at the same time which takes some concentration. Particularly when you take into account that I do this in the park where there are many distractions such as food, ducks and squirrels. Haven’t mastered eating and holding the ball at the same time yet but I’ll get there. But I can lick my willy, fart and keep an eye on what is happening, P could never do that. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/03/23/multi-me-5815458/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-03-16:/2009/03/16/the-tub-of-doom-5766328/paddy132009-03-16T14:30:50+01:002009-03-16T14:30:50+01:00 <p>Had my bath on Saturday afternoon. Realised what was going on and stayed well away from the bathroom, but T and P started playing with my favourite squeaky ball and I couldn’t let that go on without me. It didn’t strike me at the time that they just happened to be playing outside the bathroom door. As soon as I joined in the game they grabbed me and led me into the torture chamber aka the bathroom. The instrument of torture had been prepared and next thing I knew my collar was off and I was in what T and P refer to as the bath but I call the tub of doom.</p> <p>I tried to explain that I was allergic to baths but they wouldn’t listen. The situation was eased a little by P feeding me treats during the whole terrifying experience, never too frightened to eat. It was over quite quickly though they made me stand in the tub of doom for 5 minutes covered in lather; apparently that’s what it said on the bottle. T’s never been one to follow instructions before, particularly anything P says, so why she had to this time I don’t know.</p> <p>Slept for the rest of the afternoon, I was completely exhausted after my ordeal. T was too occupied with cleaning the torture chamber after my trial in the tub of doom to bother me. I’d managed to make a mess and cover them both in water by shaking whilst in the tub of doom and covered in lather and then again when I was out and still very wet. There has to be some compensation for the victim.</p> <p>I‘m not going to get caught out again, they may think they are clever but I won’t forget such treatment in a hurry. They’ll get what they deserve for this, every dog has his day.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/03/16/the-tub-of-doom-5766328/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-03-10:/2009/03/10/what-planet-are-they-on-5733161/paddy132009-03-10T21:51:45+01:002009-03-10T21:51:45+01:00 <p>Saw the dermatologist. I knew something was happening as T washed my face, brushed me, cleaned my teeth and then the car harness went on. T has made special covers so my harness doesn’t rub me as I’m a bit sparse on my chest. P drove, probably didn’t trust T.</p> <p>I stood with my back to the wall when we went in to see him; I wasn’t going to get caught off guard. As usual T did all the talking, just like at home, no one asked me anything. P stood in the corner, he has less hair than me but the dermatologist didn’t ask him any questions, mind you T would have answered anyway.</p> <p>The verdict is I have allergies. I knew this already, I am allergic to baths, in fact allergic to any form of cleaning and what are they going to do? Bath me every week. Every week! Special shampoo apparently, what difference does that make? And if that isn’t enough I can only have one flavour of hypo-allergic food, water and no toothpaste. So a G+T before dinner is clearly out now, there are no pleasures left. </p> <p>What I don’t understand is why I have to be bathed every week, how will that help my hair loss? P showers every day but it hasn’t made his hair grow. T has plenty of hair and she’s always washing but she’s female, it’s different for her. When P upsets T she says “What planet are you on?” Well I could say the same to T and P, I know it’s said men are from Mars and women are from Venus but don’t they know dogs are from Pluto?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/03/10/what-planet-are-they-on-5733161/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-03-03:/2009/03/03/a-male-problem-5684683/paddy132009-03-03T10:27:45+01:002009-03-03T10:27:45+01:00 <p>I’m suffering from premature balding. It’s not nice being called “baldy boy” by those who are supposed to care for you and provide comfort and support. It could be said that I don’t have a very tactful family. True, I have a few lightly covered areas on my body, but we can’t all be hairy can we? I would look silly with a very hairy chest and just think how muddy it would get, though it’d be nice to have a bit more hair on my chest I admit; it can be a bit chilly at times. You know they say that people start to look like their pets after a while; well, I think it is working the other way with me as I’m starting to get a bald patch on my head just like P. I don’t know why I’m losing my hair, particularly on my head, though I reckon P has a bald patch as he’s always lying down and he’s rubbed the hair away.</p> <p>T is concerned and even the vet noticed straight away that I am going a little thin in places so I now have to go and see a dermatologist. Dread to think what they will do to me, just as long as I don’t have to wear a toupee or worse still have a hair transplant. I’ve seen the adverts and I don’t want to look like Shane Warne, blond just wouldn’t suit me.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/03/03/a-male-problem-5684683/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-02-24:/2009/02/24/back-seat-driver-5643077/paddy132009-02-24T19:02:55+01:002009-02-24T19:02:55+01:00 <p>Went out in the car yesterday. Not sure why, went with T which I like as her car is smaller and I can put my head on her shoulder while she’s driving. This you might think is an endearing act, no, it is a necessity as T is not the best of drivers and her parking is dreadful but she is brilliant at 3 point turns which we do quite often when T goes the wrong way. It’s T’s sense of direction that’s the problem and I have to keep an eye on where we’re going – this is not always easy as T rarely tells me where we are meant to be going so I just have to hope. In her favour I will say that she doesn’t throw me around in the back going round corners too fast, unlike P. T has to keep hold of me when P is driving so I don’t fall off the seat.</p> <p>Yesterday was odd though as P drove off in his car and then me and T followed in her car. Not much had been said to me and I didn’t pay attention as I was too busy putting my car harness on. We didn’t follow P for long as he sped away and T can’t keep up in her car. I was watching T carefully and looking at the signs, nothing I recognised, not been this way before. So just had to hope that T knew where she was going, presumably P thought she did as he let her set off on her own, either that or he wasn’t expecting her to follow him. Generally, they go out together and he drives so I presume he doesn’t trust her to get them wherever they are going. We had been driving about 20 minutes and suddenly there was P, he was in front of us in a queue of cars. Had he tried to lose us? I can understand he might want to get away from T but not from me surely. But you don’t get away from T that easily and she stayed behind him after that no matter how hard he tried to get away, she just kept catching him up.</p> <p>Whether P decided he wasn’t going to shake T off or simply give up I don’t know but we all stopped at a large building with lots of cars and P went in. T was obviously not going to let him get away as she waited outside right by the door so when P came out a few minutes later he just meekly got in the car, didn’t have much choice. We then drove home. P didn't seem concerned about the loss of his car but nevertheless I consoled him with a reassuring lick and put my head on his shoulder. T seemed quite friendly towards him so I don’t think he was in trouble so maybe this was not a failed bid for freedom. Later that day we set off again, this time P came with me and T, didn’t have much choice as he hadn’t got his car. He seemed fairly relaxed, didn’t hold on to the car door too much or shout “What are you doing?” as he often does when T is driving. </p> <p>We went back to the same place we’d been that morning but this time T didn’t wait for P just stopped to let him out and then drove home. She was singing on the way back so she was obviously happy. I wasn’t, you can’t get away from her in the car and I was concerned for P, why had we left him? But about 5 minutes after we got home P arrived in his car. He seemed happy as well, but not singing thankfully (he likes folk music). </p> <p>What was all that about? Were they playing a game? They both kept on saying something about a service, didn't understand that any more than I understand them, are all humans like this? But it kept them occupied and I was with them so can't complain and the best bit is we didn't end up at the vets! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/02/24/back-seat-driver-5643077/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-02-13:/2009/02/13/environmentally-friendly-5567558/paddy132009-02-13T17:13:43+01:002009-02-13T17:13:43+01:00 <p>I offered to do the washing up last night. First, I cleaned the floor and then I made it clear to T who normally washes up – well, actually always washes up, that I was quite happy for her to go and sit down and leave the rest to me. It was steak for P and he always leaves a bit so I thought do my bit for the credit crunch and environment by cleaning up the leftovers, no worries about adding to landfill I see to it we don’t throw much away. T didn’t seem that keen on letting me clear up, I was trying to clean the plates as she put them in the dishwasher but she kept telling me to stop. They could save water and reduce their electricity bills if they let me help.</p> <p>I hung around in the kitchen even though by this stage the clearing up was nearly done. P of course, was lying on the sofa watching TV unaware of my efforts. I am not sure what he does for the environment, he certainly causes pollution – noise pollution that is when he snores. I, on the other hand pick up as much litter in the park as I can. If any bread has been left for the ducks then I think it is only right to remove it, if the ducks haven’t eaten it then they are not going to miss it are they? If any crisp or sweet packets have been dropped I check them to ensure there is nothing inside. I take this public duty seriously and am quite thorough. At home I keep the kitchen clean but there isn’t anywhere else in the house of interest and T seems quite happy to for me to leave it to her.</p> <p>You certainly can't blame me for global warming, unlike cows. I knew there was a reason I didn't like them. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/02/13/environmentally-friendly-5567558/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-02-05:/2009/02/05/fit-for-purpose-5512942/paddy132009-02-05T15:36:36+01:002009-02-05T15:36:36+01:00 <p>Not wearing the socks now but things aren’t well in our house. T has hidden P’s Wii Fit and he hasn’t noticed yet. It has been a few days now and T is getting annoyed that he hasn’t noticed but when P does he won’t be too pleased either.</p> <p>It’s the usual New Year, P talking about losing some weight and T nagging him to take some exercise. He promised that he would start using his Wii Fit again – he used it for a few months when he got it and then lost interest. He does that as T never ceases to remind him, he had an exercise bike once which I don’t remember but I know all about as T continues to go on and on about how P never used it.</p> <p>So T is waiting to see when he’ll notice it’s gone, the longer it takes the more ammunition T has to nag him. She loves to go for a walk which is fortunate as I do too, but P’s idea of a walk is moving between the kitchen and the living room and then lying on the sofa to recover. I don’t know what is going to happen but no matter what T will get her way in the end, of that I’m sure. I don’t want to take sides but T is right, P does need to take some exercise. I would be more than happy to help and have offered on many occasions to take P out for a walk but he always finds an excuse for not going. </p> <p>The worry of all this has caused my rashes to come back. We all went to the vets and I was the subject of the conversation as usual and then that unspeakable thing happened again. I dropped my guard for just a minute and I was suddenly lifted on to the table and the vet put his rubber gloves on. There was probably a gleam in his eye but as he was behind me I couldn’t see. I closed my eyes and thought of England. Not going to admit it but I have felt better since but I couldn’t sit down for a while. It has been decided that if my skin doesn’t improve - I have bald patches as well as rashes now, it’s a trip to the dermatologist. Dread to think what they will do to me. </p> <p>It is very cold and snowy here at the moment which is not good when your coat is thin. T is wrapping me up in my waxed jacket but my chest still feels cold. So she is talking about making me a fleece vest to wear underneath which could be embarrassing but she means well. I have a bald patch on my neck (had a rash here that’s healed) and T has made fleece covers for my collar so when we go out it doesn’t rub my skin. They actually look rather nice even though I say it myself but I have to be careful, if T realised she will start sewing sequins on (she likes sequins) and there are limits.</p> <p>So, for me and P it has not been such a good start to the year. Perhaps I should show him where the Wii Fit is, he’d never find it on his own and then he can start to prepare his defence. Today would be good as Everton knocked Liverpool out of the FA cup last night and T is an Everton supporter so she is in a good mood. I’d better find P, bet he’s asleep on the sofa.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/02/05/fit-for-purpose-5512942/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-01-25:/2009/01/25/paddy-is-being-a-bit-rash-5445806/paddy132009-01-25T20:23:21+01:002009-01-25T20:23:21+01:00 <p>This is T.<br> Paddy continues to misrepresent my care of him and I have to put the record straight yet again. Paddy has sensitive skin and gets rashes from time to time and currently has two nasty rashes which he likes to scratch. Funny how he never mentioned this.</p> <p>Needless to say this meant a trip to the vets. I am now rubbing lotion on Paddy twice a day which he likes to lick off, that’s in between trying to scratch of course. So, to stop Paddy from making a mess of his already sore skin I have put my walking socks on him which are very effective as they’re nice and thick. To stop him from licking off the lotion I also have to watch him constantly. He doesn’t like having his movements around the house restricted or the constant surveillance but there is no other option. I am glad to say that the treatment is working and Paddy is making a recovery, though it is a bit slow. </p> <p>Paddy has been pleading his case with anyone who walks past the house or knocks at the door but would you take a dog seriously when he is wearing socks? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/01/25/paddy-is-being-a-bit-rash-5445806/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-01-22:/2009/01/22/socks-away-5424623/paddy132009-01-22T17:14:20+01:002009-01-22T17:14:20+01:00 <p class="MsoNormal"><span>I am wearing socks, yes, that&rsquo;s right socks. T has been making me wear her walking socks on my back legs because she is cruel and heartless. You can imagine what my friends George and Sadie have been saying as they walk past my house every day &ndash; well that&rsquo;s when they manage to stop laughing. T says it&rsquo;s my own fault for standing on the window sill. She is not a nice person.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>I&rsquo;d tell you more but I&rsquo;m a bit busy at the moment trying to get the socks off which is a little tricky, she uses tape to keep them on and it gets stuck in my teeth.</span></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/01/22/socks-away-5424623/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-01-09:/2009/01/09/one-step-forward-5348310/paddy132009-01-09T12:58:29+01:002009-01-09T12:58:29+01:00 <p>Well, more like 810 steps forward. Santa may not have brought the laptop I asked for but he was still generous and one of my presents was a pedometer. T was impressed and has been attaching it to my collar when we have our walks in the park and this morning we did 810 steps. Can’t see the point of it myself as you can’t run, jump, stop suddenly or make jerky movements while wearing it as the measurement goes haywire. Our morning walks are on the lead but I pull (I prefer to think of it as being decisive but T doesn’t see it this way) so we have problems. But despite this T perseveres checking the measurement diligently when we get home and always tells me what it is and how well she thinks we have done. </p> <p>We have struggled a bit to use the pedometer as I have not been too well over the past week so walks have been disrupted. Usual tummy problems which meant that I couldn’t go for our now traditional New Year’s Day walk. This disappointed T as it was her birthday and she was looking forward to a walk. P had already dropped out as he had a cough (pathetic) so it was up to me and I wasn’t feeling good but there are some days when you just have to make the effort – someone should tell P. Didn’t get far and had to make T turn back and to be fair to T she did, no fuss or recriminations. P didn’t say much when we got back just coughed.</p> <p>Still the new year has started well, been watching Masterchef and they have cooked duck! P didn’t seem that interested though T made the effort to watch but it was all a bit lost on her. I shall keep watching though, something may hit home with P. I’m now feeling much better and T is on her get fit regime so I think the pedometer will be staying for a while. It is white and rather noticeable, not keen on being seen in it but I’m hoping that people might think it’s an MP3 player. You never know I could be listening to Snoop Doggy Dogg or Steps!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/01/09/one-step-forward-5348310/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2009-01-05:/2009/01/05/goodbye-5327738/paddy132009-01-05T18:57:04+01:002009-01-05T18:57:04+01:00 <p>In recognition of my services to Christmas 2008 OK9 Magazine asked me to sum up my year. They had of course planned an exclusive for December sending me to Iceland to interview Santa but things took an unexpected turn as you know. So I was glad to oblige when they asked me to reflect on 2008 and what I would like to achieve next year. Well, what a year it was full of highs and lows!</p> <p>My lows<br> February - Going to the kennels. I think I have actually spent most of the year in the kennels but T says it was only 3 times (I don’t believe her).<br> April - Not appointing a PA, I am going to re-advertise.<br> May – T starting to wield the knife again and killing slugs.<br> July – T vacuuming the front garden.<br> November – Being grounded and not allowed to use the computer (hence no blog entries) because I went into a field. T has no sense of adventure.<br> December – Not getting turkey every day over Christmas. Didn’t get the new laptop from Santa either and after all I did for him!</p> <p>My highs<br> January - Finding a dead fish, watching Masterchef and learning how to cook duck.<br> February - 2007 Nosiest Dog of the Year Award from OK9 Magazine (felt I had to mention this although I would have preferred the Naughtiest Dog award).<br> March - Becoming Paddy Fabulous Willy of West Yorkshire!<br> August - Chasing a big red dog at Hardcastle Crags.<br> December - Going on hunger strike and T changing my food (even had some turkey on Christmas Day!) and of course meeting Santa and saving Christmas.</p> <p>You might think if that is all I have to complain about I haven’t done so badly and you’d be right. It has on balance been a good year although my new ball has lost its squeak which is a shame as I love a toy that squeaks. But that can be fixed (though P has tried and failed). I had hoped that after my work helping Santa prepare for Christmas following his disaster with the credit crunch I might have been mentioned in the New Years Honours List but perhaps there wasn’t time to add my name. I quite fancy Sir Paddy Fabulous Willy of West Yorkshire, but an OBE would do. </p> <p>Looking forward to 2009 and what do I wish for? Well, a PA, to help P cook duck (going to watch the new series of Masterchef) and T listening to instrumental music so she no longer feels the urge to sing! I live in hope.</p> <p>Happy new year!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2009/01/05/goodbye-5327738/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2008-12-21:/2008/12/21/santa-s-little-helper-5256683/paddy132008-12-21T22:19:52+01:002008-12-21T22:19:52+01:00 <p>As you may know I have been interviewed by OK9 Magazine for the last two years at Christmas but this year they asked me to travel to Iceland to interview Santa Claus! </p> <p>I thought T wouldn’t let me go but she and P said yes, but on condition they accompanied me. We had a good flight though I had to travel in a crate and not first class as expected. T and P had enjoyed the in flight catering and were a little worse for wear when they got off the plane. I got nothing.</p> <p>The following day wasn’t good as T and P didn’t get up. I made the best of it and thought up my questions for Santa. After so many years did he still enjoy his job? Does he have satnav? (does he know postcodes?) Is he allowed to smoke while working and what the elves did when he was on his rounds?</p> <p>The next day we got going and met up with a person from OK9 Magazine who was to chaperone us. Apparently, where Santa lives is secret and we all had to wear blindfolds to protect his privacy. All I can say is that it was very cold and I was glad that T had insisted I wear my new coat – red with a white fur trim (fake of course). She thought that Santa would appreciate it, wish that P hadn’t worn the reindeer antlers though it seemed a little disrespectful to me. We knew we’d arrived as the blindfolds were removed. I don’t think Santa has central heating and I kept my coat on. Santa didn’t offer any refreshments; a brandy would have gone down well, though, frankly, by this time I would have accepted a cup of tea and a bag of crisps.</p> <p>Santa seemed a little distracted and not that keen to talk. The OK9 person had a chat with him but I couldn’t hear what was said. Santa came and sat down after the chat and appeared ready for the interview.I looked for Rudolf but there was no sign, in fact it was all very quiet, no elves or fairy helpers and not a present to be seen. Time for my first question:</p> <p>Me: “Hello Santa, thank you for seeing me at such a busy time. It has always been an ambition of mine to meet you and Rudolf and all the other reindeers of course.”</p> <p>Santa: “OK9 were very generous. But no photos please and I don’t sign autographs.”</p> <p>Me: “Of course, I don’t like to sign autographs either but I do enjoy having my photo taken. I must say it is very quiet I thought it would be a hive of activity - where are all your helpers?”</p> <p>At this point Santa turned to the OK9 person and whispered something. The OK9 person then turned to me and said Santa did not want to talk about the elves. Bit puzzled by this and Santa’s demeanour altogether. I thought he was supposed to be a jovial person and everyone’s friend – if you’ve been good. I started to get a sinking feeling, what had T and P said about me? Had they told Santa about my throwing up and refusing to eat, stealing sausages and ribs of beef or going into a field when told not to? Santa certainly didn’t look pleased but I couldn’t be sure I was the cause, it was very quiet. The sleigh wasn’t anywhere to be seen either.</p> <p>Next question:<br> Me: “Santa, does anyone give you a present at Christmas?”</p> <p>Santa: “Mrs Santa always gave me a pair of socks and thermal vest but I am not expecting anything this year.”</p> <p>Me:” Oh why is that? Are you giving to charity instead?”</p> <p>Santa started to look ruffled and again turned to the OK9 person. The OK9 person said Santa did not want to continue with the interview and would like us to leave. This was a disappointment, I had hardly got going and not asked any probing questions like what does Rudolf eat and most important of all had he received my letter yet?</p> <p>When we got outside the OK9 person said we had to put our blindfolds on for the journey back to the hotel. On the way I asked the OK9 person what was the matter with Santa? The OK9 person explained that Santa had invested in an Icelandic bank and had lost all his money so he could not pay the elves or fairies to make and wrap presents or feed the reindeers so they had all left him, including Mrs Santa. He was now waiting for his house to be repossessed, hence the secrecy about where he lived. He had hidden the sleigh and didn’t want anyone to find him until after Christmas. He was hoping to deliver the presents he had and try to make them go round everyone but it was going to be difficult without any help. It turns out he had only done the interview as OK9 had paid him and he desperately needed the money. This was terrible; obviously I wasn’t going to get the new laptop I had asked for or the pound of sausages. What a letdown, I had spent ages looking at PC World’s website to choose the right one – the keyboard had to be big enough for my paws and spell check and autocorrect are essential. We had to do something; the OK9 person just shrugged and said the credit crunch was hitting everyone. But this was Santa, how would he ever recover from this?</p> <p>I made a decision and told T and P and the OK9 person that we were going back to help Santa even though it was cold. T bought a bottle of vodka as she thought this would be warming and stuffed it in her coat. Santa did not look pleased to see us and didn’t want to let us in. We explained that we knew about his problems and were here to help. P still had the reindeer antlers on but Santa let us in. Once we got going it got quite warm and T started singing carols – she always sings after a few drinks and the vodka bottle was almost empty. When all the presents were wrapped Santa fetched his sleigh and we loaded up, but how was he going to deliver them without the reindeers? Santa thought he knew where they had gone and went to see if he could persuade them to come back. The OK9 person went off to get a takeaway as Santa had not had a good meal for some time and had lost weight. Eventually, Santa returned with Rudolf, Dancer and Prancer and Blixen had gone to fetch the others. We all had a good meal – a curry tastes good anywhere. If T had been conscious she would have stopped me eating and P was too busy trying to hide the reindeer antlers to notice what I was doing. </p> <p>When we left some hours later all the reindeers had returned and had agreed to pull the sleigh and Santa looked warm and plump again. We went back to our hotel; T could walk with help by this time and had started to sing again. Someone passed us as we left, the OK9 person said it was Mrs Santa, further on all the elves and fairies were making their way back to Santa’s house too. Santa would have a good Christmas after all despite his troubles.</p> <p>We flew home the next day – I was still in a crate, did they not know I had saved Santa? I thought T and P should have insisted I went in first class but they both had bad headaches and didn’t want to talk and seemed bothered by loud noises. Well, no interview with Santa but I will never forget my experience and T and P will probably never remember.</p> <p>Happy Christmas.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2008/12/21/santa-s-little-helper-5256683/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:paddymoore.blog.co.uk,2008-12-04:/2008/12/04/the-wind-of-change-5161362/paddy132008-12-04T10:57:08+01:002008-12-04T10:57:08+01:00 <p>Things have been a little difficult recently. Apart from being kept on the lead and under control T just hasn’t let me out of her sight so it has been problematic finding an unobserved moment to write the blog in peace. </p> <p>T’s surveillance operation is a result of me throwing up on a daily basis all over the living room (on her cream rug) and then refusing to eat. My point was that I had had enough of the monotonous diet of hypoallergenic food; they gave it to me day in day out every day – who wouldn’t be tired of that! So I tried to show them what I would prefer – you know, leaving the recipe book open on page showing a rib of beef, stealing sausages and eating them under the bed (well until I got caught) and consuming anything I could find when out on a walk. None of this made any difference as I think I have said on a number of occasions. Clearly drastic action was called for so I thought throwing up was a good idea as this has always caused a reaction in the past. For me being sick is not a problem, so I decided to throw up each morning about an hour after eating. This was good, it caused maximum shock as T and P were so pleased that I had eaten they relaxed and thought it was going to be a good day. Then quietly I crept into the living room and did the business. When it was discovered there was major consternation and T bleating on about the rug getting stained. They are sadly a bit dim and it takes a while for the penny to drop and they didn’t even stop me going into the living room for the first few days of my campaign. But T gets there eventually and I was barred from the living room unless accompanied which just left me the dining room rug, but I managed. Wouldn’t use the kitchen as the floor is tiled and too easy for T to clean up.</p> <p>After about a week they hadn’t stopped giving me the food so I thought it time to take things a stage further and just not eat at all. This always worries T. It only took a couple of days of not eating before T came home with a bag of food for me that was not hypoallergenic. I was beginning to get a bit anxious as I wasn’t sure how long I could stick it out but fortunately things went as planned in the end. The new food is beef and chicken flavour and I LOVE IT! Oh, the joy of eating something different. I look forward to meal times and clean my bowl now. They did try to mix the real food with the hypoallergenic stuff but I wasn’t having any of that and took the offending bits out of my bowl and left them on the floor. They got the message after a couple of days but they were still giving me vegetables. Not a big fan so thought it best to knock this on the head as well before they started giving me sprouts again – they are vile.</p> <p>Now I eat what I want and look forward to meal times and I have rewarded T and P by not throwing up. I have always suffered from wind but even this is better now, though I can produce a windy whiff when the situation calls for it. The result is we are all happy, I am eating and not being ill, T and P can stop watching my every move and I am even allowed into the living room on my own again. Couldn’t be better and as Christmas approaches I may just get a mouthful of sausage roll which T always makes as a treat for P, might even get some turkey!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://paddymoore.blog.co.uk/2008/12/04/the-wind-of-change-5161362/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>