I like to read, well, look at the pictures, especially recipe books. T and P read at night, it can be difficult to get to sleep sometimes as they don’t put the light out for ages. I assume they read as they spend a lot of time looking at one page and there are no pictures, boring. Last night P announced that he had finished his book and had nothing else to read. T was still engrossed in her book and didn’t take much notice. P got out of bed and started pacing around looking for a book, T put her book down and looked annoyed and I hid under my blanket. I was surprised that P would dare to upset T, particularly at bedtime when she is tired and can be irritable, but he didn’t seem to care and started to rifle through a pile of books but declared them all unsuitable.

At this point I would expect T to tell P to get back in bed and keep quiet, but she leaned out of bed and picked up her favourite read – the Laura Ashley catalogue and offered it to P. He was not interested, so T picked up another of her all time favourites, a biography of Stalin, P hesitated, I could see he didn’t want to upset T as she was trying to be nice but it was clear he didn’t want to read that either. My biggest worry was that T would find the pack leader dog book which I had tried to hide, P had uncovered it when rifling through the books. I don’t want either of them reading that. They seem to have forgotten all about it and have stopped telling me to sit in a commanding tone. I call that a result.

Miraculously, P suddenly found a book and got back into bed, it wasn’t the biography of Stalin or thankfully, the pack leader book, I could see them on the floor. Whatever it was peace was restored and I managed to get to sleep.

I checked in the morning what it was P was reading, curious about what could take his interest all of a sudden. Obviously, I can’t read and the picture on the cover didn’t help me. So I hung around until T came into the bedroom to tidy up and she saw the book on the floor where I had left it. She picked it up and read out the title and said and this is not a lie “The Edible Woman, fancy P reading that” and calmly put it down on the bedside table.

Shouldn’t she be worried? Is this a cookery book? I know P likes his meat, don’t we all, but eating T is going too far.