T still hasn’t found Me. I know because she keeps singing about it. I’m not sure if it’s her way of telling P that Me is a place she wants to visit To be honest it is getting very annoying but that’s T. I’d look on the map to see if I can find it but I can’t read maps.

We went for a walk this morning and T did seem distracted, looking around and not paying attention. On the look out for Me I expect. As a result she fell over in the road. I was on the lead but luckily she didn’t pull me over. I tried to get her up as I didn’t want to be seen with a woman lying in the road, I am a celebrity. Finally, we got going but she was hobbling a little, just so embarrassing and if it’s not bad enough to be walking along with a hobbling woman with mud on her (from the fall but who would know?) she has to stop at every field of cows and horses and talk to them. Why? They don’t know what she’s saying and they never reply, but it doesn’t stop her.

No luck with finding Me though, we came home again and she started with the same old song and she’s still hobbling, P didn’t look surprised when T told him about falling over just asked what was for lunch – a sausage sandwich. What I would give to have the same!

I wouldn’t be surprised if Me was a shopping centre. T likes them but P always looks concerned when she mentions going shopping. So maybe P knows where it is but is trying to avoid going. T has no idea where anything is and P is always shouting at her when they are out in the car – well, he does when I’m with them. She doesn’t know her left from her right and this gets P annoyed when he asks for a direction. Its worse when T is driving, P always seems very nervous and holds on to the door handle. I don’t mind being in the car with T, but I always keep an eye on where she is going just in case it’s the vets – she does know where that is.

I hope T finds Me so she shuts up and if there are squirrels and rabbits to chase then I’ll be quite happy. We’re a bit like Dorothy and Toto in ‘The Wizard of Oz’ searching for the Wizard. T does sometimes break into song when we’re walking and talks to people she meets as well as animals, though we've not met any lions yet only wallabies. The worry is that the Wizard wasn’t what Dorothy expected, I hope if T ever finds Me she’s not disappointed.

Thing is if I’m Toto, T is Dorothy then who is P?

I’ve not been well. T and P went away and they put me in the ‘K’ place again. I did not like it and didn’t eat as a protest. I thought the least they could do while I was there was give me a full English in the morning but all I got was my usual food. T took a huge bag of it to the ‘K’ place with instructions about giving me my tablets. They opened my mouth and shoved them down my throat.

They had hidden it well, no sign of a suitcase or any preparation for going away. Usually T washes everything in sight and gets her hair cut. None of this happened, not that I noticed anyway and she definitely didn’t get her hair cut. Then suddenly I’m in the car and away we went. I was excited until I realised where we were going. They’re very nice to me in the ‘K’ place but it’s not home and I don’t have any control. I lay in my cell and wondered where they'd gone. When they eventually came to take me home I wanted to ignore them but I was so relieved I forgot and just jumped in the car and gave them big licks. Checked everything out in the house and garden and it was clear no other dog or people had been here while I was away. Some compensation I suppose.

But I’ve been unable to eat properly and had an upset stomach these last few days, just can’t settle. After-shock from the ‘K’ place T thinks. I’m hoping she’ll think they can’t put me in there again and take me with them in future, a dog can dream. They’ve been very nice to me since we all came home but I’m keeping up the pressure and not eating my breakfast. This is not so tough for me as I don’t think I am an early morning kind of dog, prefer to eat later in the day with a G+T as an aperitif. But T and P insist on a routine each day which is okay, I know what to expect but it can get a little boring – I mean where’s the spontaneity?

I have a lovely life on the whole I know, after all I’m a celebrity and T and P have taken me to wonderful places. Although I would never admit it, I am very happy but I know that T and P are struggling to understand me and to be honest I’m not sure I understand myself. T says the biggest difficulty is they don’t know much about my past and I don’t really remember. She thinks that I don’t cope well with being left – well who does? Particularly in the ‘K’ place when you get locked up in a cell for hours on end. I like my freedom.

One of the many songs T entertains us with when she’s cleaning is ‘I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me’. Well, I’ve been to Hardcastle Crags which I reckon is paradise but as for going to me where’s that?