I had my rear dew claws removed last year, vet said I could catch them on something and it would be nasty. T and P made me wear socks when I went out and a lampshade on my head. They said it was necessary, I think they just wanted to embarrass me.

Yesterday, me and T played ball in the park as we usually do in the afternoon. This is something I really enjoy and my ball squeaks so I am noticed quite a lot. Dogs try to join in but they can’t keep up with me, I am like a black flash darting around the field. I didn’t notice anything while in the park but walking back my front leg didn’t feel right. Stupidly I gave it a couple of licks to see what the problem was and that caught T’s attention. I must have knocked my front dew claw and it was now sticking out at a funny angle. T immediately told P who said call the vet. T fortunately said it might be better to wait until tomorrow to see if it went back into place. This in my view was a very good idea and not at all like T.

As you can probably guess nothing had changed this morning and T rang the vet. This was in my view not a very good idea at all and much more like T. She reported back to P that the nurse said it will probably have to come out as it could catch on something. Here we go again; I can see the socks reappearing any moment now. So T has decided until I go to the vets tomorrow I can’t be walked off the lead "just in case" boring or what. She won’t even chase me around the house or under the bed "just in case". All I can do to express my frustration at this unfair treatment is to run around the house with my squeaky ball and be as noisy at possible. When one of them is on the phone this is particularly effective.

T did take me for a long walk today I admit, but it just isn’t the same on the lead, she has too much control and she talks to me which is embarrassing. So all I can do now is wait for the dreaded time to go to the vets. I suppose I should be thankful that it’s unlikely he’ll stick his hand up my bum but you never know, the sight of rubber gloves always sends shivers down my spine.

So there will probably be less of me tomorrow, I wonder if I will need both removed to keep me balanced? Will losing one make me lob sided? Hope not, there is already enough unbalanced people in our house without me.

We’ve had family to stay. P’s brother and his wife to be precise. They don’t live in Yorkshire so T and P decided to take them to some of our favourite places. On Friday, we went to my favourite place, Hardcastle Crags for a walk. All was going as expected, bit muddy in places and I tried to paddle in the stream and chase squirrels. We stopped for a cup of tea, I sat and kept a close eye on everyone to ensure no one wandered off and got lost. T is apt to do this, she says that I am the one that wanders off when we go for a walk but I always know where I’m going, not sure I can say the same for T.

After tea we carried on and finally things started to look up as rabbits appeared and just begged to be chased. Then, even better I found a dead rabbit which I thought might be worth having a look at so I picked it up. But T made such a noise and fuss jumping up and down and flapping her arms that I had to drop it and admit defeat. Shame, it might have been tasty, don’t get meat at home just dried food and something from a tin that calls itself meat. On we walked and I was beginning to think that not much else was going to happen when I saw a big red dog! No one else seemed to notice and I thought maybe I was seeing things. I went to investigate but unfortunately it had seen me and decided not to stop to say hello. This was a shame as it meant I had to run after it, we went quite a way, not quite sure how far but I suddenly realised that I didn’t know where I was and the big red dog had disappeared. I could faintly hear T calling and whistling, they had obviously missed me. Normally, I am embarrassed when T calls me, but on this occasion I was grateful for her shrill voice giving me a direction to follow. You know they say that when a butterfly flaps its wings it can start a tornado well when T calls she can start an avalanche. Forget what they say about global warming causing ice to fall off the glaciers in the arctic, its T’s fault!

When I got back they clearly had no idea that I had chased a big red dog as nothing was said, they just seemed relieved to see me. I was actually relieved to see them and didn’t mind T fussing me and giving me a hug. They kept me on the lead after that and we quickly got back to the car.

As T was giving me a drink a car pulled up and someone said we saw your dog chase a deer! At least someone saw me and was impressed. T and P just looked at me. Went to Hebden Bridge for lunch and all they talked about was me chasing a deer, I was so proud.

The afternoon was spent in Howarth. The family went round the Parsonage while me, T and P went to look for Brontes in the graveyard but couldn’t find any. T and P seemed to think looking at gravestones was interesting, I was bored. It occured to me that there would be lots of bones here but thought I'd be pushing my luck if I tried to dig for them. Wasn’t that keen on the shops either, T had to go in all of them while P and me stayed outside. P crossed his fingers that T would be quick and not buy anything, I just wanted to go in and find her. P would not allow this.

It was a good day. It would have been perfect if I’d had a G and T with everyone when we got back, but as ever they left me out. Dreamt of big red dogs that night, or deer as T and P like to call them. Still don’t know who the Brontes were or why we went to see them.

I feel I have to defend myself. Paddy is so unfair. Mrs Barmy indeed, he exaggerates so much. Yes, I do like to vacuum but that is because he makes such a mess. I did vacuum around the front door after P had done some DIY but to give the impression that I was doing the whole front garden is just not fair. But it was nice and clean after I’d finished though.

What’s wrong with singing? I don’t deny that I like to sing when I’m working and I sing to Paddy which I thought he liked. I don’t just sing Abba songs, I am very partial to ‘You’ve got a friend’ by James Taylor, Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart is awesome and an all time favourite is ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen – that is very good in the shower. At Christmas I sing carols.

I cannot believe that my neighbours call me Mrs Bouquet, why would they do that? I am no different to anyone else – apart from having to live with a very difficult dog who thinks he is a celebrity and insists on being called Paddy Fabulous Willy of West Yorkshire. He makes you think that P keeps out of the way because of me. Well actually it is Paddy he avoids – wouldn’t you avoid a dog that wants to call himself Fabulous Willy?

It is important to remember that Paddy is on permanent medication and I think it is taking its toll psychologically. Paddy does have delusions of grandeur and he has to be kept under control which I am sure you will understand is a near impossible task. I am considering talking to the vet about getting Paddy into therapy, he needs help. Though how you help a dog that thinks he’s a celebrity and advertises for a PA I don’t know. He didn’t manage to appoint by the way.

Better finish now before Paddy finds me using his blog, I doubt he’d be that pleased and anyway I need to do some cleaning. Where did I leave the vacuum cleaner? Now, can I remember the words to Dancing Queen I wonder?