T had a funny turn yesterday. She is definitely not well and what’s more the neighbours know. Some things you can’t hide and T vacuuming the front path is very difficult to hide. Yes, that is correct, T outside with the vacuum cleaner cleaning the front path. She seemed very pleased with herself when she’d finished, thought she’d done a good job. Which I suppose she had, but it was so embarrassing – people walked past and she didn’t bat an eyelid, just said hello and carried on.

P watched it all safely from the house. Don’t know if it was fear or embarrassment that kept him inside. I certainly wasn’t venturing out, couldn’t be sure what she’d do next. Some neighbours were looking out of their windows in amazement. Now I am no expert on cleaning but I have never seen T or indeed anyone else cleaning their gardens with the vacuum cleaner before. I think she just got carried away, one minute she was in the hallway the next minute outside. She came in smiling with a vacuum filled with leaves, stones and bits of wood.

It all started with P doing some DIY. Always a worrying thing. T says he doesn’t know what he’s doing and tries to supervise and asks ‘helpful’ questions like “Did you mean to do that?” when P bangs his finger with the hammer. The front door lock needed replacing and P took it upon himself to change it and before T could object started work. Wood was flying everywhere which did not please house proud T. The lock was eventually fitted and much to T’s and my amazement worked – though it did take one or two adjustments. He quickly started to clear up as he realised the mess he’d made and that only meant trouble. But in a flash T appeared and said “Leave it to me, I’ll clear up”. P doesn’t disobey a clear and direct order like that so he meekly walked away and started to play on his Wii Fit. He likes to keep out of the way when T is cleaning.

You know the rest, T was like a woman possessed and whirled the vacuum cleaner round the hall and then before we knew it she was outside. You have to be thankful for small mercies and the only positive thing about the situation was that T didn’t sing. She likes to sing when she's cleaning. I have mentioned her singing before in my blog and that she can’t. Not only can’t she sing she seems to take a fancy to a song and sings it constantly which at the moment is Abba’s The Winner Takes it All. She has a loud voice and there is no escape when the fancy takes her. But yesterday I think she was so engrossed in cleaning the front path that she totally forgot.

A few weeks ago I heard a couple of neighbours talking when they were walking past the house. One of them said “We call that Mrs Bouquet’s house, she’s always cleaning and everything is just so”. The other one laughed and said “Oh you mean Hyacinth”. Don’t know what they meant or who Mrs Bouquet is – she certainly doesn’t live here but they were right about the cleaning.

What will people be thinking now? Not Mrs Bouquet more like Mrs Barmy. Hopefully, everyone will be sympathetic as T clearly needs help. I don’t think P knows what to do, he keeps out of the way more than ever, I am sure he checks if T is about before he moves about the house. It isn’t difficult to work out where she is as you can hear her singing - I just wish she’d choose another song.