T is trying to find her way. She says it is time she found her purpose in life. She talks constantly when we are on our walks. Since there is no one else around I presume she is talking to me. Though if she is, she doesn’t look at me or even wait for me to reply just mutters on. I have heard that people talk to themselves and even worse that this can be the first sign of madness. If that is the case then T is well gone, no hope. P doesn’t talk to anyone really, except when he is watching football and he shouts 'Oh referee' or 'Offside' at the TV. It’s the most animated he gets. I suspect when he is away from T he is more lively, he can’t get a word in edgeways at home.

What conclusions T will come to I haven’t a clue, she witters on about doing something with her life and that she hasn’t achieved anything. I must admit although I’m only just 2 years old I have already achieved celebrity status (OK9 Magazine interview and Nosiest Dog of 2007 award) and I wonder if this is the cause of T’s feelings of worthlessness. An interview with her would be boring, she can talk endlessly about Laura Ashley fabrics (what kind of an interest is that?) you begin to understand now why P is so distant I suspect. Her other interest is cleaning, she never stops vacuuming, always blames me for the mess in the house – as if! I may have the award for Nosiest Dog but it is T who is always "cleaning" the windows – again she uses me as an excuse, says I wipe my nose against them when I am watching the neighbours. Huh!

I wonder if I should suggest she becomes a chef, specialising in gourmet food for dogs. I think there must be a shortage of them and I would help, tasting the dishes, making suggestions - my celebrity status is bound to be an advantage to her. She is a veggie but I’m sure with my help she could master cooking meat which would be a must for dogs. All she needs is direction I’m sure.

She kept saying ‘why am I here’? when we were on a our walk today, well I mean, if she doesn’t know how can I tell her? She decided the route we took not me. P was on the phone yesterday and he was talking about T, he said it was just her age. He said it very quietly as if he didn’t want T to hear. I don’t know how old T is but she is younger that P I’m sure – she doesn’t have grey hair, in fact she has hair! So what does that say about P if age is a factor what will he start doing next – watching Jane Austen serials on TV?

What T and P forget is that they both have a very important purpose in life – me! Without them where would I be? Sometimes the answer is right under your nose and you just can’t see the wood for the trees.

P went out the other night; this is a regular thing on a Monday so I wasn’t worried. He’s staying close to home at the moment, no long absences. As soon as he’d gone T quickly grabbed the TV remote control and changed channels. She likes University Challenge and tries to answer the questions.

T’s efforts are pathetic bordering on the painful. She’s invariably wrong and spends most of the time shouting at the TV. If she spent more time listening to the question instead of shouting obscenities at Jeremy Paxman I reckon she might stand a better chance. But T can’t help it, never been one to take her time, patience is not a virtue that T possesses.

The next programme was more to my taste (literally), Masterchef. T could never be described as a cook, P tends to take control in the kitchen (the one place where he can) as T struggles with anything other than toast. I remember P saying that when she lived on her own she didn’t own a cooker which doesn’t surprise me. T was lying on the rug watching the TV I hoped she wouldn’t turn over, but she seemed quite engrossed. I lay beside her and started watching too in the hope that she might get the hint that maybe this was food I would like to try. Licked my lips when someone was cooking duck, but unfortunately everything was way beyond anything T could manage. Two people were tasting the food, I’d like that job, maybe I’ll write to see if I can be included. Why is it you never see dogs on these programmes? Who wants to see Dog Borstal?

P was late back, we had gone to bed but I wasn’t asleep, always wait for him to come in. Like to be at the front door when he gets home. He went up to see T who seemed pleased to see him as well and I brought my favourite toy in the hope that I might get a game. P was too busy telling T about his evening and didn’t play. Worth a try though. I hoped that T would tell P about the food on Masterchef and that I liked the duck, he might be tempted to cook it. Because as everyone knows a duck a day keeps the vet away.

P left last week, he had a large bag and got in a taxi and left. T waved him off and didn’t seem to mind him going. She can be heartless at times. I tried to stop him leaving but he took no notice – why? Doesn’t he care about me anymore? I stood on the window sill for hours waiting for him to come back. By the evening it was obvious he wasn’t, T didn’t take much notice of me and was working till quite late. Managed to remind her to take me for a walk but when we got back still no sign of P. She talked to someone on the phone but I couldn’t tell who it was. She didn’t seem upset that P wasn’t around. If anything she seemed quite happy when she put the TV on and flicked through the channels – funny as she didn’t watch football, they always watch football when P is home (and T never gets her hands on the remote, P probably doesn’t trust her).

I waited the next day for P’s return – still no sign. If only I could use the phone, might be able to persuade him to come home. T still seemed quite happy and we were going for nice long walks as usual so I couldn’t complain. But I did miss P. Not sure why as he doesn’t do anything really – gives me my breakfast but T was doing that and it was just as nice. But I like all my family to be together and they weren’t.

I got very worried by the third day, where had P gone – had he gone to the kennels? Was this the way it was always going to be now? Just T and me? A horrifying thought, T is great for walks but she does get over excited. I was worried that T wouldn’t want P back as she was getting used to watching what she wanted on TV. How would we manage? I tried to see what T was doing on the computer – was she applying for single parent benefits? Would I only see P at weekends? Despite both T and P’s shortcomings I do like my family and I would like them to stay together, I decided I had to do something but what?

Couple of days later T was getting ready to go out and leave me, I thought this is how it will be now, T bringing uncles home for me to meet. I tried to stop her going, pleaded with her to stay. She took no notice, heartless as ever. Off she went in P’s car – which just added insult to injury. What would P think if he ever found out, T taking his car to go off and meet uncles. She returned some time later, I was so worried, thought she might have been gone for ages. She had someone in the car, just as I thought, the first of the uncles, she hadn’t any wasted time. He got out of the car and it was P! He had come home and he had his big bag with him so he must have come home to stay. I was so excited and couldn’t stop jumping up to show how very happy I was. T seemed to be very happy too, gave him a hug and took his bag upstairs. They watched football on the TV that evening so I knew everything was back to normal again.

So maybe T had put P in the kennels, when I go I always come home again (well so far). Perhaps she didn't want to watch football and needed a break from P. Can't think why as you hardly notice he's there sometimes - perhaps he needed a break from T, now that I can understand. Whatever the reason I am so glad everything is back to normal, T and P may have their failings but better the devil you know.

Guess what! I have won an award!
It appears that after my celebrity interview before Christmas with OK9 Magazine they were so impressed with me they asked T to nominate me for one of their dog awards. When T told me about the nomination I was rather chuffed but this was slightly marred when she told me the award I was up for was Nosiest Dog of 2007.

Yes, I am curious but that is a dog’s job and I like to look out of the window (make sure I rub my nose on the window that upsets T). But surely I had achieved more than that? Why nosiest dog? Had no one taken my farting skills into account? I am very good at stealing (particularly food and slippers) and barking (I suppose that does go with being nosey). But let’s not forget I’m disobedient and I’ve seen a wallaby! T explained that OK9 Magazine had suggested she nominated me for this category because when they met me I checked all their bags and camera equipment and made sure that I said hello to everyone that came into the house. I did stand on the window sill when they were interviewing me to ensure I didn’t miss anything outside – well doesn’t everyone?

T did share the other award categories with me:
Scruffiest dog (I can be but T cleans me up and I’ve got a very short coat)
Smelliest dog (I fart! But I don’t roll, this is a failing)
Naughtiest dog (How can I fail that one? Mind you when I went to obedience classes I wasn’t the worst)
Cleverest dog (I ate the rib of beef, stole the sausages, haven’t been offered a G+T yet though. T said she had tried to nominate me for this award but there was a lot of competition.)

None of my friends have been nominated for an award so I do have something to brag about. I suppose when I think about it I do like to know what everyone is doing and look in bags –When T and P have been shopping I insist on checking the contents of every bag. I answer the front door with T and I like to look over walls – well you never know what is on the other side and it could be a squirrel.

We heard the result today and I won! I am the OK9 Magazine Nosiest Dog of 2007. I still think I should have got the Naughtiest award but T said she hadn’t put my name forward for that one – what do I have to do to make T think I’m naughty?

Not one to shirk a challenge I shall work hard all year to earn a deserved nomination for Naughtiest Dog of 2008. T will not hesitate after what I have planned – so nice to have challenges to meet, gives you a purpose in life. Sorry, must go someone has just walked past the window.

Been to Formby beach to see the red squirrels. Wasn’t sure where we were going at first when T and P put me in the car but I don’t really care as long as I am with them. Well pleased when we arrived at the beach, very windy and sand blowing everywhere but hey who cares?

Found a dead fish, tons of seaweed, bits of wood and some rope. T didn’t like me picking up the fish and started running towards me yelling “Paddy no!”. Whenever I hear her say no I continue what I am doing as this is clearly disobedient and every dog aims to be disobedient at least once a day. I did drop the fish as it didn’t taste very nice and I got quite a bit of sand in my mouth which was very unpleasant.

There were lots of big waves as it was so windy, very noisy and a little frightening. I had thought about a paddle in the sea (never done that before) but thought better of it. Decided that it might be better to explore the sand hills instead. Thought that T wouldn’t like this but she followed me and started running up and down the hills and was obviously enjoying herself. It was a bit embarrassing but fortunately no one seemed to notice. P trudged along behind us, he didn’t seem to be enjoying the wind and sand quite as much as T and me. Once we were further away from the beach it was a bit more sheltered and sand wasn’t blowing into my ears and eyes. This seemed to suit P also, he was more chirpy and thankfully T had stopped running around and embarrassing me. I was tempted to dig a hole and bury her in the sand but it was not necessary in the end.

Behind the sand dunes there's a pine forest where the red squirrels live. T always puts me on the lead at this point which is a shame as squirrels are meant to be chased up trees. This you can’t do on a lead. I was vigilant but not one squirrel was around, P suggested that they were all watching the football (it was Saturday), T seemed to accept this – do squirrels understand the offside rule I wonder? T doesn't.

It was a wonderful day but sand does get everywhere - just couldn’t get comfortable on the way home. Can’t wait to go again though, maybe try surfing – can you get surfboards for dogs? Would want a wetsuit to stop the sand getting into places it shouldn’t. We could take a picnic – wouldn’t it be nice.

Going for long walks in the woods with T a lot now. She works from home now so not being left on my own very much which is nice. So now I have more control and I do my best to ensure she is kept busy walking me and playing games. She keeps wanting to tap away at something she calls a computer – don’t know what it is but you can’t eat it or throw it so can’t see the point.

We meet lots of dogs on our walks so having a very sociable time, my best friend Max and I often meet and have great games of tag. Max is like me all black. Thought I saw him the other day when I was out but realised there were in fact two black dogs. I thought it was Max and a friend, they were racing towards me and looked as though they wanted to play. I was keen until I realised it wasn’t Max and a friend but two dogs I had never seen before - two very large Labradors. Now I know they are very friendly but I also know they’re very solid.

I am small and perfectly formed, small in the sense of slim and sleek with long elegant legs so I can run very fast. I decided that they were too big for me and ran to T. She said I was a coward but she wasn’t the one going to be the filling in a Labrador sandwich.

They ran on, nice dogs really, just too big for me. Sometimes you just can’t be everybody’s friend.