I like food, not something that T and P seem to be particularly aware of judging by the food they serve me each day. P likes food as well, not so sure about T she’s a vegetarian.

P eats meat and it always smells so nice, T’s food just smells of vegetables and they’re boring. I could eat P’s food there is no need to give me anything different, I have tried to drop big hints – leaving recipe books open, sitting by P and watching him eat, you know, the usual thing. Always gets ignored. I can only conclude that T and P are just a bit dense and I have to be more obvious. Today an opportunity presented itself and they were both at home so maximum attention. P had some sausages defrosting on the kitchen worktop. Now that is just the kind of thing I like to eat, don’t even need them cooking, eat them as they are. I waited until I thought they had defrosted though – wouldn’t be sensible to eat them otherwise. It was difficult to get them off the worktop, they had been placed a little out of my reach, but I have long legs and thankfully managed to get hold of them. They were well wrapped up, cling film is not easy to remove with paws – bit of a design fault there. So I thought the best thing to do was to take them somewhere quiet to try and unwrap them as this was clearly going to take some time.

Just settled down in the bedroom with the sausages when the doorbell rang, had to go and check out who was there. It was the postman, he is always very nice to me, says hello and gives me a fuss, no food though. I had a bark naturally, even though I knew who it was. T had answered the door and then for some reason when postie had gone she went upstairs and into the bedroom. I had left the sausages on the floor. My skill at opening the sausages – admittedly I hadn’t got very far, was not appreciated by T. She picked them up and went to show P, I thought she was going to show him how clever I had been and maybe suggest that I should have some tonight as well. No. I was accused of stealing the sausages, well okay I hadn’t asked but if I had they would have said no so what was the point?

They were put well out of my reach and I was watched for the rest of the afternoon, no chance of finishing off the job. Shame that as I will have to eat the usual dried food while P is cooking his delicious smelling sausages. Its cruelty I could report them to the RSPCA.

Can you put sausages on your Christmas present list?