I like food, T and P don’t make much of an effort with my meals, always give me the same thing. Yes, the same food morning and evening, every day. This is as you can imagine a little boring. They try and make it a little more gourmet by putting in vegetables or chopped apple but that is it. They could try harder and it would not mean any extra effort for them. I could finish off what they leave on their plates or just have the same as them each day – all they have to do is prepare a bit extra for me.

I do my best to make this clear, try and sniff their plates when they are sitting at the table, if I can get on T’s knee even better but they always tell me to get down and go to my bed. How can I resist the lovely smells! My food doesn’t have much of a smell, comes from a large bag marked –Hypo-allergenic’, not sure what that means but it certainly doesn’t mean delicious.

I have decided to take matters into my own paws, they left a recipe book out the other day and I thought it was worth a read. Took it off the kitchen worktop and curled up in my bed for a good read, well actually I looked at the pictures as being a dog I can’t actually read. They have a load of these books so the possibilities are endless for me. Left it open in my bed at a page showing a particularly delicious looking dish. Big hint there, they cannot ignore this I thought. Has it made a difference? NO, not a jot, still get the same old dried food.

When T does the weekly food shop and all the bags are brought in I check everything to see if there is anything that might be for me or that I think might be worth a try. I do help unpack and take out the things I’d like, couldn’t make it much clearer could I? But all my efforts are ignored.

T bought another large bag of my food this week, so clearly changes are not planned. Oh well, I live in hope, will get another book out and keep making hints. I’ve heard it said you are what you eat, that’s a little worrying.

Last week wasn’t so good for me. On Tuesday, felt really awful in the night and spent most of it throwing up. Woke T up each time so she could take me into the garden. Had a big burp which did help but still felt lousy the next morning. T stayed at home with me, she was a little tired too I think. Still threw up in the morning and then I got bumps on my head, it felt very itchy. T got alarmed at this and took me straight to the vets in her car. Never been in it before, always gone in P’s car. I like T’s car, very comfortable and smaller so I can nuzzle up to her neck when she is driving.

As usual the vet stuck something up my bum, but I felt so awful I didn’t care. Allergic reaction to something I’d eaten she said, gave me an injection and sent me home. T was obviously much relieved and rang P.

Felt much better by the time P came home and he looked after me for the rest of the week – so not all bad. Walks were a bit restricted. T kept me on the lead, muttering about stopping me eating things. But on Saturday I was taken to the woods and let off and the most amazing thing happened – I chased a rabbit! Never done that before, thought it was a big squirrel at first but it didn’t have a tail and it went down a hole not up a tree. When I came back (T was whistling furiously) T said it was a rabbit. The next day in the woods again I saw a horse right up close, only seen them in fields before but a person was sitting on its back! The horse didn’t seem to mind, I would, hope T doesn’t get any ideas.

So all in all a bit of result last week, may have been sick but to chase a rabbit and meet a horse made up for it. T says you win some you lose some, not quite sure what she means but overall I think I won last week.

P is very keen on sport, spends a lot of time watching it on TV – is it essential to lie on the sofa when you do this? P always does. T doesn’t seem that interested – takes me out for a walk which suits me.

Last weekend P watched England v South Africa in the Rugby World Cup. It was not a relaxing experience, I could tell this as P wasn’t lying down and snoring – he actually saw the whole match. I knew he was getting worked up as he kept saying “Oh referee!” “That was a penalty!” “England are crap” (yes he said that). P went to bed a very unhappy man.

Didn’t get much better when he watched the cricket World Twenty Twenty the next day, England v South Africa again and yes we lost. P was depressed.

It seems very strange to me that P and T spend time just sitting and watching TV particularly if it makes them unhappy. I do try to take their mind off things by offering to play with them and when they fall asleep curling up next to them on the sofa (to reassure them) but they always shove me off. When I want a snooze why can’t I lie on the sofa too? Isn’t that what it’s for?

So I eat spiders and moths, what’s the big deal about that?
Ate a spider the other night that just happened to walk straight in front of me while I was reclining on the rug – well actually on this blanket thing that T puts down as she says I get smelly from the mud I like to walk in. Found some very deep mud yesterday in the woods, it went right up to my tummy when I jumped in. This did frighten me a bit, I made a quick retreat but didn’t let T know I was scared.

The mistake I made was to leave the spiders legs on the blanket thing, T noticed and went off on one (again). Comments were made about how revolting I was – quite proud about that. Then last night I caught a moth in the house – it was huge! Obviously you have to eat it when you’ve caught it, what else would you do? Surprise surprise T saw me and had to tell P. He just carried on watching the telly, trying as usual to ignore her. It is not that easy to ignore T, she does go on a bit. She washed the blanket thing after I had eaten the spider, didn’t want to look at its remains she said.

Can’t say that spiders or moths taste very nice, in fact they taste of nothing at all and they don’t fill you up. Did try eating a slug once but it just slipped out of my mouth, now that really didn’t taste nice. But if I try enough things one day I might find something really delicious. I live in hope.

Hello, this is T not Paddy. I have read his blog and felt I needed to set the record straight. Paddy is rather giving the impression that P and I are not very competent when it comes to his care or indeed at coping with life in general. There a few points I would like to make in response to comments that Paddy has made:

I am not a psychopath. Yes, I do cut slugs in half and squash snails. If you had spent hours lovingly planting, feeding and generally nurturing your plants you too would resent and feel murderous towards anything that threatened their existence. I would like to point out that Paddy has failed to mention his taste for spiders and moths – which he catches and eats alive. Is that not the act of a psychopath?

I do not humiliate Paddy by cleaning him with a towel in front of other dogs. I always wait until there is no one around and I have never mentioned to anyone that he likes having his teeth cleaned (well sort of).

I do not use Paddy as bait at the garden centre so I can run people down with the trolley. We took him as we thought it might be a nice outing for him, on the lead obviously. I may on the odd occasion have hit someone with the trolley, but accidents happen.

Our vet is not a pervert. Paddy has had a number of examinations due to his nervous stomach. But I’ll say no more about his tummy problems – Paddy will only accuse me of trying to embarrass him again. Suffice it to say he is now on tablets and all is well.

I definitely do not nag P. Paddy implies that I make P do things he doesn’t want to, such as blow up paddling pools and making chests of drawers. P does these things because he wants to, I just need to remind him of that sometimes. A quick word or a look always seems to do the trick. On the rare occasion this fails then I offer to sing a song – our favourite is “Feelings”. P loves it, but sadly never seems that keen on hearing me sing it.

But Paddy is right about one thing, P doesn’t know the difference between wallabies and kangaroos.

It was in the stream, bright yellow and smiling. I hadn’t noticed it, busy looking for squirrels but P did, “look there’s a kangaroo!” he called. T and I looked, I knew it was a wallaby – it was too small for a kangaroo, does P not know that? I was concerned that it was bright yellow. Didn't know wallabies were yellow, but then again I’m no expert. There seemed to be just the one, maybe its friends hadn’t noticed that one had fallen in the stream or perhaps it had just got lost wanted a drink and slipped.

Did this mean there was there a herd of wallabies roaming the woods? Would I meet one on my next walk? What do they eat? Hope it’s not squirrels. Maybe I should alert my friends – George, Sadie, Max and Alfie to keep a look out. One of my friends Harry is old and does not want a bright yellow wallaby jumping out at him. I have to warn him.

From now on I am going to keep a look out for any more bright yellow wallabies. I wonder what they live in? I hope T and P don’t want to keep one; there isn’t enough room at home for a wallaby as well as me. Could I cope with looking at something bright yellow all day and would I understand them? I bet they don’t bark.

We went passed the spot in the woods where we had seen the wallaby the next day, it was nowhere. Where had it gone? Searched for any sign of it, nothing. Plenty of squirrels though so perhaps it doesn’t eat them after all. I mustn’t be complacent, just because it wasn’t anywhere to be seen doesn’t mean that it has gone. I will keep a constant look out and check back with my friends, they go to the woods as well so between us we can patrol the area. Harry only really goes around the park so hopefully he is unlikely to see it. Perhaps its friends came back for it, or it just wandered off. Where did it go? I lived alone once and someone came along and put me in a van, maybe that’s what happened to the wallaby.

Hopefully, it has gone and there was only ever one, which is sad really as it must have been lonely. I listen to Radio 4 and have heard of global warming but no one has mentioned wallabies moving to the woods here, in fact no one has mentioned my woods at all on Radio 4. Wherever it is I hope it has a comfy bed, after all there is nothing more important than that, well after chasing squirrels that is. But all the same I shall keep a look out on my walks, the woods are nice and it may come back. If I was a wallaby I’d come back as Yorkshire is the best place in the world!